Things my son needs to know about the world

To my son

What you need to know about motion-sensitive toilet lights

What you need to know about Ikea

What you need to know about soccer

What you need to know about stuff

What you need to know about masculinity

What you need to know about God and airports

What you need to know about what happened to the singing plastic giraffe

What you need to know about why that Felicia girl's mother is annoyed at me

What you need to know about good and evil

What you need to know about starting a band

What you need to know about love

What you need to know about when I hold your hand a little too tight.